5 Things I Do When Negative Body Talk Takes Over
Some days, I can look in the mirror and see myself pretty clearly.
And then there are other days when the voice in my head gets there first.
Your stomach looks huge.
You looked better before.
Why did you eat that?
You need to lose weight.
Nothing looks good on you.
And suddenly, what started as getting dressed in the morning has turned into picking apart practically every inch of my body.
If you’ve ever experienced negative body talk, you probably know exactly what I mean.
For me, one of the hardest parts is that the way I feel about my body can change dramatically even when my body hasn’t changed at all.
I can put on an outfit one day and feel completely fine in it. A few days later, I can put on the exact same clothes, look at the exact same body, and somehow see something completely different.
That’s when I’ve learned that the problem probably isn’t my body.
It’s the conversation happening in my head.
And while I’d love to tell you I’ve reached some magical place where I wake up every morning overflowing with body positivity, I haven’t.
What I have gotten better at is recognizing when negative body thoughts are taking over—and knowing that I don’t have to believe everything my brain tells me.
These are five things I do when that voice starts getting particularly loud.
Negative body talk can often amplify our insecurities and make us question our worth.
Did You Know? 5 facts about Negative Body Talk
Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) is more than occasionally feeling unhappy with your appearance. It’s a mental health condition in which worries about perceived flaws become persistent and distressing—even when those flaws may be slight or not noticeable to other people.
And it may be more common than you think. One NHS specialist service estimates that about 1–2 out of every 100 people experience BDD. It can affect people of any gender, although it commonly begins during the teenage or young-adult years.
Negative body talk can affect our relationships with others and ourselves.
5 Things I Do When Negative Body Talk Takes Over
Education about negative body talk can lead to greater awareness and compassion.
1. I Walk Away From the Mirror
This sounds ridiculously simple, but it has made a huge difference for me.
Because once I start looking for something I don’t like, I can almost always find it.
I’ll turn sideways.
Pull at my shirt.
Look at my stomach.
Change outfits.
Change back.
Stand differently.
Look again.
And somehow I expect that the 14th inspection is going to make me feel better than the first 13.
Spoiler: it doesn’t.
At some point, I have to recognize that I’m no longer using the mirror to get ready. I’m using it to criticize myself.
That’s when I walk away.
The mirror will still be there tomorrow.
I don’t have to solve my relationship with my body before I leave the bathroom.
2. I Stop Trying to Force Myself to "Love My Body"
For a long time, I thought the antidote to negative body image was supposed to be body positivity.
If I caught myself thinking,
I hate my stomach.
I was apparently supposed to replace it with:
I LOVE MY STOMACH!
Except sometimes…I didn’t.
And repeating something I didn’t believe didn’t make me feel empowered. It made me feel like I was failing at body positivity, too.
So now I aim for something much more realistic:
neutrality.
Instead of:
My stomach looks terrible.
I might tell myself:
This is my body today.
Or:
My body doesn’t need to look perfect for me to have a good day.
Or even:
We’re not doing this today.
That last one gets used quite a bit. 😂
I don’t have to think my body is amazing every second.
Sometimes I just need to stop treating it like it’s a problem that needs to be fixed.
3. I Get Off Whatever Is Making It Worse
Sometimes I know exactly where the spiral started.
I was perfectly content with my life until I spent 20 minutes scrolling through photos of women with perfect abs, perfect houses, perfect skin, perfect outfits and apparently absolutely no pores.
Suddenly I’m reevaluating my stomach, my face, my closet and possibly my entire existence.
That’s usually my cue to put the phone down.
Social media can be wonderful. I obviously use it for Creating From Chaos, Pinterest inspiration and approximately 9,000 other things.
But I also have to recognize when inspiration has crossed the line into comparison.
And when it does, I give myself permission to leave.
Unfollow.
Mute.
Close the app.
Go outside.
The internet will survive without me for an hour.
Practicing self-love can significantly reduce the impact of negative body talk.
Ultimately, our worth is determined by more than just our appearance and negative body talk.
With time and practice, we can reduce the impact of negative body talk in our lives.
4. I Do Something That Reminds Me My Body Is More Than Something to Look At
This one may be the most important.
When I’m stuck in negative body talk, my entire body can start feeling like a visual object.
How does it look?
How much does it weigh?
How do these jeans fit?
What needs to change?
So I deliberately try to do something that reminds me that my body has an actual job—and that job isn’t decorating the world for everyone else.
I might go for a walk.
Do yoga.
Work on a project around the house.
Spend time outside.
Play with my kids.
Clean something.
Build something.
Cook something.
Anything that gets me living inside my body instead of standing outside of it judging it.
My body has carried me through pregnancies, workouts, stressful seasons, adventures, projects, motherhood and ordinary Tuesday afternoons.
There is so much more happening here than what I see in a mirror.
5. I Don't Make Big Body Decisions on Bad Body-Image Days
This has become a rule for me.
Bad body-image days are not decision-making days.
They’re not the day to decide I need to go on a drastic diet.
They’re not the day to throw half my closet away because “nothing looks good.”
They’re not the day to obsess over the scale.
And they’re definitely not the day to decide my entire body needs an overhaul.
Because I’ve learned something important:
Feelings can be incredibly convincing without being permanent.
If I still want to make a change when I’m feeling calm and grounded, I can think about it then.
But I don’t let one difficult afternoon turn into punishment for my body.
Seeking professional help can be a beneficial step to combat negative body talk.
Remember, negative body talk doesn’t define who you are.
Sometimes the Goal Isn’t Loving Your Body
I think we’ve created this idea that there are only two options:
Hate your body.
or
LOVE YOUR BODY!!!
But maybe there’s a whole lot of space in between.
Maybe today I don’t love my stomach.
Maybe my jeans fit differently than they used to.
Maybe aging, hormones, stress, pregnancy, illness, medication, life—or simply being a human being—has changed my body.
That doesn’t mean I have to spend the day at war with it.
Sometimes the goal isn’t body positivity.
Sometimes it’s simply:
This is my body.
I’m going to take care of it.
And I’m going to go live my life.
For me, that’s enough.
Sharing our experiences of negative body talk can lead to healing and understanding.
Learning to love ourselves despite negative body talk is a journey worth taking.
Did You Know?
Mirror checking isn’t the only behavior associated with body dysmorphia. Some people do the opposite and avoid mirrors altogether. Other behaviors can include repeatedly comparing their appearance with other people, frequently changing clothes, excessive grooming, trying to camouflage a perceived flaw, or repeatedly asking others for reassurance about their appearance.
The International OCD Foundation notes that these repetitive behaviors can consume several hours a day for some people with BDD.
Read the International OCD Foundation’s guide to BDD signs and symptoms
Don’t let negative body talk dictate how you live your life.
Together, we can create a culture that embraces diversity and counters negative body talk.
A Note About Body Dysmorphia
Understanding the roots of negative body talk can empower us to overcome it.
Shifting our perspective can help diminish the effects of negative body talk.
There’s an important difference between having difficult body-image days and body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), which is a mental health condition involving persistent, distressing preoccupation with perceived flaws in appearance.
If thoughts about your appearance are consuming a significant amount of your day, causing intense distress, leading you to repeatedly check or avoid mirrors, or interfering with relationships, work, eating or everyday life, it’s worth talking with a qualified healthcare or mental-health professional.
You deserve support beyond simply being told to “think positively.”
Mindfulness practices can help us navigate negative body talk more effectively.
Body Image Struggles vs. Body Dysmorphic Disorder
Negative body talk is often fueled by societal pressures and unrealistic standards.
Understanding that negative body talk is common can help us feel less isolated.
Reflecting on our experiences with negative body talk can foster personal growth.
I also want to make an important distinction here: having days when you don’t like your body doesn’t automatically mean you have body dysmorphic disorder.
BDD involves appearance concerns that cause significant distress or interfere with everyday functioning. It can involve persistent preoccupation with perceived flaws along with repetitive behaviors such as mirror checking, comparing yourself with others, excessive grooming, reassurance seeking or trying to hide the area you’re worried about.
That’s very different from looking in the mirror one morning and thinking, Ugh, I don’t like how I look today.
But I also think it’s worth talking about the space between those two things.
Negative body talk can still steal an enormous amount of joy from our lives even when it doesn’t meet the criteria for a mental health disorder. And if thoughts about your appearance are consuming a significant amount of your day, causing distress, or interfering with work, relationships or everyday life, that’s something worth discussing with a qualified healthcare or mental-health professional.
BDD can be treated. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), including approaches involving exposure and response prevention, is among the treatments used for BDD; medication may also be used depending on a person’s symptoms and circumstances.
Being aware of negative body talk is crucial for promoting self-acceptance.
💛 A Little Reminder
Taking care of your body and trying to punish your body are two very different things.
You can want to feel healthier, have more energy, drink more water, move your body, or change some of your habits without making those choices because you hate the way you look.
For me, that’s an important distinction. I’m trying to make more of my health decisions from a place of “What would make me feel good?” instead of “What do I need to fix?”
If you’re looking for a simple place to start, check out my [7-Day Healthy Hydration Guide] for an easy way to focus on something your body actually needs every single day.
→ READ NEXT: 7-Day Healthy Hydration Guide
Encouraging conversations around negative body talk can foster community support.
Ultimately, the goal is to foster a healthier dialogue around our bodies and challenge negative body talk.
By sharing our stories, we can help others navigate negative body talk.
We can empower ourselves and others to break free from negative body talk.